Top Five: Things I Miss about Being in a Conventional Relationship

1. That thing when we’re at a new restaurant, and she asks, “How’s your [INSERT MEAL],” and I give her a critique of my food, and then ask, “How’s yours?”

2. Having a Friday evening off together and figuring out what we want to do, then eventually giving up and drinking beer in front of the television.

3. Having somebody around to bounce all of my silly ideas off, getting immediate feedback.

4. Having company on those boring and otherwise depressing trips to the grocery store.

5. When I put [REDACTED] in [REDACTED] in the shower, then [REDACTED] her [REDACTED] until [REDACTED] all over [REDACTED], and she [REDACTED] my [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED].